Top five social networking fears and tips

Generation Y have no idea how lucky they are. My first mobile phone was so heavy I got more use out of it as a paperweight; and as for getting online, well I never really truly appreciated the patience I had back then. Today though, I feel I am becoming converted to Generation Y ways!

Now I know there any many people who have been doing all this for some time now. But there are others, just like me about 18 months ago, who completely freeze at the thought of sharing things publicly, talking with people online or even looking like they're endorsing the company they work for.

Talking in a social media workshop we held at work earlier this year, it surprised me how common everyone's fears were when it came to starting to use social networks. Here are my top five, in no particular order:

1. I am not interesting enough!
2. What if I make a mistake or saying something wrong?
3. I don't really have any strong opinions!
4. I'm already too busy, I won't have time to do this as well!
5. I'm worried about the risks of online abuse and privacy issues.

To be honest, in the workshop, it was clear that social networking was never going to be everyone's cup of tea. For others, myself included, it was a case of working through the fears, choosing just the one network to begin with, start socialising and take it one step at a time from there - for most people this took place on Twitter.

When you start interacting with other people and companies, you soon begin to see that providing you're using the channels in a socially acceptable way, you should have no reason to worry.

If you start to use these networks in an anti-social way then, just as you would in face to face situations, you will open yourself up to risks - particularly as legislation starts to come into force and you can become liable to prosecution.

So to conquer the top five fears, here are my top five tips:

1. Be open, share something about yourself - use your interests and hobbies as a guide.
2. Follow other people with like-minded interests.
3. Like and share other people's content about your interests, don't be afraid to add an extra comment - even if you're just agreeing with their point or saying you've had a similar experience.
4. If you make a mistake or say something that is inaccurate, don't ignore it. Go back and correct yourself - doing it in a light hearted way can be useful.
5. If someone is abusive towards you, there are 3 options open to you:

• Report the post to the social network
• Do nothing, just ignore them.
• Reply to them but not in an aggressive or negative way that might lead to an "online war" - often an upbeat reply is enough to ward off any troll.

There are many books and websites that can help give you the confidence to start your social networking. For me, one of the best tools was just simply to get on with it. Watch what others do and eventually just start joining in. You never know, you might actually start to enjoy it and you'll be amazed at what you can learn from others on these networks. Social networking is one of the greatest and easiest ways to share information!

Do you have any other useful tips to share? Be great to hear them!

Emotional control buckets

In a recent coaching session, I had the opportunity to vent about absolutely everything that had bugged me over the last few weeks.

Now anyone reading this who knows me, will probably think "yes she'd have no trouble finding things to moan about". You're wrong though. Honestly, the first three or four took me about 10 minutes to detail - the next 12 (yes 12) gripes took less than five minutes.

So with all the moans shortened to brief keywords, I was then tasked with putting these "moans" into one of three categories:

1. I had no control over this matter
2. I had some control over this matter
3. I had total control over this matter

Now the point of the exercise is not to really dwell on the issue of control, but to ascertain what you could or couldn't influence so that you can funnel your energies more appropriately. Stop stressing over the things you can not control and don't waste any more energy or time on them. Instead focus your efforts into getting some control back on the matters you can influence, and do something about it.

What was interesting in my case here was that in the main there was little I had control over. So why had I stored up so much negativity, when in essence it was all pointless? Almost moaning for the sake of moaning...!! I'd have been better off looking at the other "matters" and doing something about these instead.

This week, I'm taking some of the control back over the issues I can influence and will be refocusing my energies in a more positive, and dare I say productive way! Wish me luck - it's training part of the brain to react with less emotion... so this may take some time!!

"The highest possible stage in moral culture is when we recognize that we ought to control our thoughts." Charles Robert Darwin.

One day in and I've faced one issue that had bugged me. I still can't control the outcome but I've had my say on the matter and that in itself felt gave me back a little control. Does anyone have any other tips for handling any emotional inbursts - I'd say outbursts but for me I internalise everything and often the outward display falls in the form of frustration tears (oh and the odd swear word!!)

My Valentines Day Delight

I am a true romantic.

I love candles, flowers, snuggling up to watch a movie and holding hands. I also love the butterflies in my stomach when I see my loved one, sharing loved-up glances and anticipating my breath being taken away by a surprise gift or night out.

In true romantic style though, often the reality is quite different. So this year, rather than feel sad that I don't have a love in my life at the moment, I am going to continue my positive thinking and reflect on my past relationships where:

• I never did get flowers
• My snuggle partner for movies tended to be my dog
• The butterflies were usually nerves waiting to find out what mood to expect
• We rarely went out together
• I can't actually remember getting any gifts 

I have two major Valentines Day disasters: one was travelling to Exeter for a weekend away which began with "we need to talk". The second was a wonderful planned (by myself) evening in for two where my guest turned up "steaming" at 2am.

So this year, I will do something radically different. I will buy the flowers I like, with a home cooked candlelit meal followed by a movie of my choice, likely to be of the Johnny Depp variety - a toss up between Secret Window (ooh) and Finding Neverland (arr). A lot will depend on my mood at the end of the day.

To everyone with a loved one, good luck I truly hope you have an enjoyable evening.
To those without a special someone for now, so what? Make the most of it, don't have any regrets just enjoy the evening doing what you want to do.

"Some day, someone will walk into your life and make you realise why it never worked out with anyone else."

Happy valentine's day!
Karen x

Focusing on the negative - no more!

Negativity breeds negativity. This is something of a mantra in the house at the moment. Without wanting to sound sexist, I do wonder if it's a bit of a female trait - or is it just me?!

So where has this latest negativity come from? Well in a nutshell, it's all down to one pound. Yes one very silly pound - and I'm talking weight not monetary value. To be honest the weight gain could have been much worse, especially when I look at what my kitchen looked like this morning: empty pizza box, half eaten box of Pringles and an empty bottle of wine.

I'd left work with what felt like the start of a migraine and decided not to go the gym as planned. Instead a did a bit of a supermarket trawl with some quick pick me up purchases. The migraine never developed, which was very surprising and just as well after the massive consumption of the rubbish that I'd taken home with me!!

I woke early this morning feeling very guilty, especially as my first thought went to my imminent Weightwatchers meeting. As soon as I could I lept from my bed and started to clean the house like a mad woman, deciding I was going to burn off as many calories as I could before the 10.30 weigh-in. Knowing this was not going to be enough, I headed to the gym at 9am and hit my local DW SportsFitness gym.

450 calories burned within 45 minutes and I felt good, almost confident that I would not fare too badly at weigh-in. Wrong!! Since finding out about the weight gain, I came across a calorie count website that explains 3,500 calories equate to one pound of weight. So realistically I was never going to work off all that food and drink!

I was so deflated after the weigh-in I headed home and went back to bed for 3 hours. partly shattered from the workout, and partly just not wanting to face the world. Feeling so negative about just one pound really ruined the day. Instead I should have looked at the positives:

• It could and probably should have been more
• I did something about the over indulgence straight away
• Today is a new day, yesterday is gone
• I don't over-indulge often
• Learn from it - plan for bad Fridays
• So what? Who did I hurt!

As part of my action plan to keep a positive focus, I've started this blog. From now on, I will channel my thoughts and musings online, instead of mulling on anything negative. It won't be a focus just on weight gain/loss, this is just my musing for today.

With my recent negativity now securely placed in a box far away from my state of mind, bring on tomorrow and a whole new day! Remember: "Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference." (Winston Churchill).

It's all in the mindset so I'm channeling positivity from now on!!
Karen :)